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If your partner is at an unhealthy weight, the best thing that you can do is to encourage them to be active, eat healthy, and show your support in a positive way. "If your partner is overweight, he or she is most likely already beating themselves up," says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., ACS, CSC. "[Making them feel bad about themselves] can cause them to eat more or choose high-fat foods as a comfort." Getting healthy together can actually create a bond that will likely improve your connection in and out of the bedroom.
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Erectile dysfunction is one of the most common chronic conditions that men face and being overweight dramatically increases the chances of an uncooperative, lazy penis. "Believe it or not, men who are just thirty pounds overweight are likely to experience ED by two and a half times more!" says sex coach Tara Radcliffe. "Also, obesity lowers testosterone in men, which is crucial for sexual function. So with that being said, keeping a healthy weight is almost mandatory in order for a man to stay erected." There's a common fan-favorite fruit that can help be a natural cure for ED—and is so healthy that eating right and shedding the weight will be a little bit easier.
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When you're at a weight that you're not comfortable at, it can take over your mind—and blind you from focusing on the parts of your body you are confident about. No one hates everything about their body, so put the spotlight on the parts you do like. "Wear an outfit you feel good in, listen to your favorite song, move your body, make sure that you smell good—all of these components can make you feel sexier," suggests Kitley.
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Let's be clear: If you're overweight, it doesn't have to affect your performance in the bedroom. If you feel confident, sexy, and desirable, then you're guaranteed to translate that between the sheets. But for some, being overweight does correlate to lower levels of energy and motivation. "There can be a self-consciousness or limiting beliefs about ability or desire [when you're overweight],"
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If focusing on your body is causing stress, then switch mix things up by talking dirty and stimulating the mind. "Our biggest sex organ in the body is the brain so making the brain feel sexy can spice up the sex. We all have very sexy minds no matter what size our body is," says Michael. "Use fantasy role play or dress up. Focus on what is exciting rather than what is not."
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There's no getting around this one. If you're obese, your physicality can be directly impacted in a variety of ways. "Sexuality is a physical pursuit, so the more limber and physically fit one is, the more likely they are able to pursue its pleasures," says Antonia Hall author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. "This does not preclude one from having a satisfying sex life. However, if one or both partners is obese, many sexual positions can become challenging."
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No matter your size, you need to feel sexy on the inside. That's where sex appeal comes from, whether your weight is an issue or not. A way to help yourself feel sexier when you're not where you want to be on the scale? "Learn what pleases your partner and focuses on that," suggests Michaels. "Being a confident lover is a state of mind, not a pant size." Amen to that!
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"Being overweight for both men and women will cause decreased blood flow in their genitals because the extra weight causes their blood vessels to narrow—and proper blood flow is crucial in order to reach an orgasm," says Radcliffe. But being too thin can also have adverse effects on your ability to climax. "[Too little body fat] can affect testosterone and libido levels," Radcliffe continues. "Those sex hormones need to be in balance in order to have any kind of sexual drive and are necessary in order to achieve an orgasm."
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For men and women, higher levels of body fat mean you'll have higher levels of a chemical called "Sex Hormone Binding Globulin" or SHBG. It literally binds to the sex hormone testosterone. And when there's too much testosterone bound to SHBG, there's not enough available to stimulate desire. Combine that with eating any of these 27 Foods That Kill Your Sex Drive and you're severely limited your urges to get frisky.
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ou don't have to feel daunted or overwhelmed if you have a significant amount of weight to lose. Just losing 10 pounds can improve your sex life because it will free up testosterone that you need to climax and get aroused. But even if you don't lose weight, just making changes to your diet and adding more fruits and veggies can create more satisfying sexual experiences for yourself. "I've noted that very often when patients start to take better care of themselves, they also report a substantial increase in their interest in sex," says Dr. Martin Binks, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and director of behavioral health at Duke University's Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, N.C. "I think participation in a healthy lifestyle really helps, even if you don't lose the extra pounds."